Congrats to ADDTF for one solid year of reading comics naked.

Also, welcome back ADD and In Sequence.

Did I miss anyone?

 
Happy Valentine's Day, Sweets!



But me, everytime I want to fall in love...it's a total freakout!

Laura Penn, your very own personal romance reporter, is back for another rap session, dig?



Dear Laura:
I'm 14. My parents have always said I should concentrate on my schoolwork and not go out with boys until I'm at least 16. They'd kill me if they knew I was secretly seeing a guy who is 17. I love him too much to tell him to go away and come back in two years, although he might be willing to wait. What should I do?
Sweet Fourteen

Dear Sweet Fourteen:
The three years' difference between 14 and 17, or even between 17 and 20, is a large one, although as you get older and age difference of three years is not so important. While it is perfectly natural for a girl to think about boys when she's 14 and even to fall in love, it's a good idea not to plunge into a relationship or commitment too soon. You'll find you're a very different girl at 16, at 17 and at 20, from the girl you are today, and your tastes and interests will have changed. Wait a little longer before getting too involved with one man, although you could try doing things together as part of a larger group. Go with a crowd of friends to a movie or to the beach, and above all stop deceiving your parents.
Laura Penn
posted by Steven at 1:38 AM

 
21 Gun Salute!



Hot for Teacher



Oh, Professor X. Will Jean Grey ever return your love?

I'm off to Montreal tomorrow to catch the Kingpins in action, have a romantic Indian dinner, watch some Casablanca and frolic through the snowy streets with J, so I'll be leaving the blog in the capable hands of the Flat Earth Blogomatic. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

But who wants to be a walking tombstone?

Ann Martin of Secret Hearts returns.



Dear Miss Martin:
I have a problem that is causing me deep anguish, and I hope you can help me.
My best girlfriend is going steady with a certain boy. Well, the other evening, I was over at her house quite late, and he ws there too. When it came time to go home, my girlfriend suggested that her staedy take me home.
He did, and when we got to my house, he really shocked me by putting his arms around me and kissing me. When I asked him why he did that, he replied that he kissed me because he always liked me. Then he asked me if I was willing to go out with him.
I asked him, what about Eileen (my girlfriend and his steady)? He said, "Oh, she doesn't have to know about it."
I told him I didn't think that was right, and went into the house. But ever since that time, I have been thinking about it. I never thought much about him one way or the other, but now I find myself thinking about him all the time.
Please, Miss Martin, help me get him out of my mind!
Worried Sick

Dear "Worried Sick":
I shall be happy to try to help you get him out of your mind.
First of all, it is quite normal and natural for a girl to respond when a boy tells her he likes her, and kisses her. Every girl wants to be loved, and too often we girls go overboard for a boy we'd never take a second look at, only because he likes us! So, the fact that you find yourself thinking about him all the time is not necessarily proof of any feeling of love on your part.
But something more important is involved here. Are you really interested in a boy who is going steady with another girl, who wants to see you secretly? How can you have any respect at all for such a boy?
And you refer to his steady as your "best girlfriend"! What about her? Don't you feel any concern for what this would do to her?
This boy is a fink, my dear, and I strongly urge you to forget he ever lived. Your best girlfriend would be wise to do the same--- but that is another story.
Sincerely yours,
Ann Martin
posted by Steven at 12:14 AM

 
Free Comic Thursday - Romance Extravaganza!

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, so here's a heap of tearjerkers for you.

Last Kiss is a publication that takes the old Charlton romance title First Kiss and subverts its stories with new dialogue. There's plenty of zaniness to be found within, including a before-and-after demonstration and reader contributions. They even provide an untampered story entitled I Had To Be Tamed if you like your romance comics played straight. Or as straight as it can get with a title like that.

Jenny Miller hasn't finished with making additions to her wonderful romance comic archive, which I linked to last week. She's brought to my attention an all-new story called Lovelorn. Remember, this is the full comic from cover to cover, with six separate stories and including all the ads.

The last one I have a bit of a bias towards. It's the dimension-hopping adventures of Jenny Everywhere in the appropriately titled My Bloody Valentine.

Apologies to the all the kids without anyone to neck with.

If you mean will she be busted by the fuzz, the answer is no!

Today's very special guest columnist has taken time out from touring with the Pussycats to answer a plea for help. If you would like a fictional character to cure your heartache, just write a letter c/o stevenwintle@hotmail.com, stating your situation clearly and briefly, and be sure to give all important facts. Names will be withheld in all cases, and there cannot be any personal replies.



Dear Josie:
My boyfriend broke up with me and is going with my sister. Everytime she comes home from dating him she claims she is better for him than I was. What can I do? Should I let it get to me or forget it?
C.L.W.

Dear "C.L.W."
It's pretty tacky of your sister to date your ex-boyfriend. She is obviously trying to upset you with those remarks. Don't give her the satisfaction. ignore them, and find a new date.
Josie


posted by Steven at 12:29 AM

 
What's wrong with this picture?



Find out in three weeks.

I'm all lit up, chick...you're turning me on!

As it is, as it was, as Jane Ford sees it.



Dear Miss Ford:

I am 15 years old and have been going steady with a boy of 19 for the past year and a half. My parents know that I go out with this boy, but they have no idea how serious it is. And I haven't told them because I know it would upset them.
Anyway, this boy is very much in love with me, and would like me to marry him at the end of this year, or next year at the latest. Now, i know I love him, Miss Ford, with all my heart. Yet, whenever he mentions the word marriage to me, I become petrified with fear. I cannot understand this feeling I have. My girl friend tells me that maybe I don't really love him, because if I did, I wouldn't hesitate a minute. What do you think, Miss Ford?

Doubtful

Dear "Doubtful":
The very fact that you have not told your parents about your true relationship with this boy is evidence that you feel you are doing something that is not quite right. You know your parents would object to a girl your age becoming serious with a boy so much older than yourself. Reading between the lines, I sense that you yourself aren't too happy about it. My own opinion is that a girl of 15 is a bit too young for a serious relationship, especially with a boy four years older.
As far as the question of marriage is concerned, I don't agree with your girl friend. You may very well be in love, yet unconsciously realize that you are simply not ready for marriage. This feeling is bound to make you "petrified with fear." I think you should patiently explain this to your boyfriend, and make him understand that it may be years before you can even consider marriage. I also think you should reveal the nature of your relationship to your mother.
That's as I see it...
Jane Ford


posted by Steven at 10:11 PM

 
Crisis on Earth Francais



As I mentioned earlier this week, one of my favourite oddball comic topics is multiple Earths. I'm not alone in feeling this way, though my adoration pales in comparison to the devotion of others. There is a small group of fans that have taken it upon themselves to catalogue and create timelines for all the different Earths that have been established or implied in comic history. According to this group, just about every divergent timeline, mangled piece of continuity, or imaginary story has resulted in the creation of a unique and separate world to explain away these "mistakes". Be warned, liberties are often taken to group many different, seemingly random events into one themed world. Below are a few of my favourite Earths.

Earth-11 - Quite possibly the greatest of Alternate Earths. Here, Superman has met up with Asterix and Obelix, while both Batman and Teen Titans' rivals the Brotherhood of Evil crossed paths with Tintin. The timeline is interesting in that it has additionial commentary by Jean-Marc Lofficier, author of the Superman and Brotherhood of Evil tributes mentioned above. In his commentary he calls an unpublished Batman/Tintin crossover, "A farce designed by some clever Canadian." Bwahahaha!

Earth-12 - Speaking of farces, this Earth is home to the Inferior Five, Angel and the Ape, Bob Hope, Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, Doom Force, 'Mazing Man, in addition to Catman & Kitten, Fatman & Tubbin, Flatman and Ribbon, Ratman and Rotten the Boy Blunder, Sadman and Sobbin', you get the picture. A case could also be made for an Earth-12 minus 1, which is the home to fictional comic characters created on Earth-12. Confused yet?

Earth-17 - This one is tricky. Apparently Mark Evanier laid claim to the title of Earth-17 for the New Gods, while at a later date Grant Morrison did the same for the Dreamworld and Justice Project characters from the final issues of his run on Animal Man (Motime, take note). OK, so now I'm confused.

Earth-C - Quite possibly the most famous of the Earths I have listed here, this is the world of Captain Carrot and the Amazing Zoo Crew, as well as most other funny animal characters. There are separate worlds along the same theme, such as Duckworld (home of Howard the Duck), Earth-Larval (Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham) and Funny Animal Land (Hoppy the Marvel Bunny).

Earth-E - Bob Haney is quite possibly my favourite superhero writer of all-time. We have him to thank for the remarkable adventures of the Super-Sons, Superman Jr. and Batman Jr. More on these hep cats at a later date.

Earth-K - For those of you with a more literary bent, this is a speculative timeline concerning the characters from the book Kavalier and Clay, apparently with help from Michael Chabon himself.

Please feel free to browse through the other Earths found on that page. If you find yourself getting confused, just relax and go with it. If you would like more information on multiple Earths in comics, here are a few extra links. This site details the major Earths, while another has a more detailed explanation of how these Earths came to be, and were very nearly destroyed. Finally, the always excellent Quarter Bin gives its rundown on the phenomenon.

Don't jump to conclusions, master...further tests are indicated!

Finally, one of my loyal readers has admitted to having a problem and has reached out to the romance comic columnists for advice. Buck of All-New Secret Romance steps up to the plate to close the generation gap with his hip, liberal attitude.



Dear Guest Advice Giver,

For some months now I have been "going steady" with a sweet, pretty girl I met at our local church fete. Let's call her Gertrude, or "Gertie" for short. I care for Gertie dearly, but I am a young man consumed by passions that need to be sated, and she is a traditional, devoutly Christian girl. Recently I have been spending time with another, slightly older girl, who we will call Alicia. Alicia rides a motorcycle and has a wardrobe consisting mostly of leather. She is free spirit who is into wild and crazy times, and rock and roll music. I feel terribly torn between these two young women. Please help me come to a decision!

Yours,
Torn Between Two Women

Dear Torn,

Do you like both of them? That's what is important. There's no rule that says you have to hang out with both of them at the same time, so why not go somewhere with one one day, and with the other the next? That way they wouldn't have to see each other, and you could still enjoy the friendship of both.

Yours Truly,
Buck


posted by Steven at 11:45 PM

 
Eight-and-three-quarters heads tall.

My course has the world's worst life drawing class. It's one of those situations where you need to spend years afterward forgetting everything you were taught and relearning it all the right way. We never actually learned regular ol' human anatomy. Instead, our teacher decided that we would start by drawing the human figure as superhero.

The proportions we were to use were very specific. Our teacher took them straight out of How To Draw Comics The Marvel Way. I tried to explain to her that there were all sorts of proportions that have and could be used for a superhero, but she told me I obviously didn't know anything about comics (?!) and that was the end of the conversation.

As usual, I waited until the last minute, and because I didn't want to come up with an entirely new character, I used Jenny Everywhere. Here's my heroic rendition, side-by-side with a rough sketch of the version that I plan on using in an upcoming story.



You're her mother? Wow! I thought you were her sister!

For the next few weeks Flat Earth will be showcasing the remarkable talents of some of the most famed of all romance comic advice columnists. These writers are specialists in teen-age problems. They have a wide range of experience with young people, and welcome the chance to help you with any problems you might have. Just write a letter c/o stevenwintle@hotmail.com, stating your situation clearly and briefly, and be sure to give all important facts. Names will be withheld in all cases, and there cannot be any personal replies.

Don't call it a comeback, she's been here for years! Barbara Miles of Heart Throbs fame returns.



Dear Miss Miles,

What do you do when you’re 5’10”? I can’t seem to find any boys who will ask me out. They look at me as though I’m a freak, and it really disturbs me. I try to forget about it, but when all my girlfriends go to dances and parties I start to feel sorry for myself, and I go into very bad moods of depression. I am 16.

Please try and give me some advice as to how I can cope with my problem.

Disturbed

Dear Disturbed,

Sixteen is a hard age, and it doesn’t need any added worries. Being tall at a time when most boys have not reached their full height can be very frustrating.

I realize that you are probably doing all the make-up and fashion tricks: flat shoes, natural hair style, horizontal stripes, etc. The next thing for you to do is broaden or expand your circle of acquaintances. It is important to have the stimulation of new people. In meeting new guys, don’t slouch and hold a negative viewpoint. Reach out to them in a positive way; smile and be friendly. Assert your personality and believe in yourself. Be optimistic for soon you will meet guys that value what you are. It’s all a matter of time and meanwhile, keep interested in the world around you. Use your spare hours and become a fascinating person to know---develop new interests. Remember: to the real people you want to meet; height will not interfere.

posted by Steven at 10:41 PM

 
Julius Schwartz 1915-2004

On his site, Mark Evanier relates the news that Julius Schwartz has passed away. He has also posted three additional anecdotes about Schwartz, with the promise of more to come. Comicon's Pulse has also published a tribute, and by tomorrow I'm sure there will be many, many more in the comics press and beyond.

With all this exposure by people more intimately familar with the man and his body of work, it's almost unnecessary for me to say anything at all. However, it's apparent that Schwartz was one of the most influential people in superhero history, and achievements in a life like his can never be eulogized with too few words.

Recently I've been reading and writing on the concept of parallel universes in comic book continuity, something that has always fascinated me. In many ways Julius Schwartz is the creator of infinite Earths. One of the founders of science fiction fandom, Schwartz realized the importance of catering to the older stalwart fans as well as tapping into new markets, and so 1961 saw the return of the original Flash within the pages of the most recent version. This story, entitled "The Flash of Two Worlds", saw the new Flash travel from his Earth to another near-identical one that existed parallel to his. The difference between the two was that this other Earth was the home to those original counterparts of the new generation of heroes, those that had been in action during World War II. In fact, the exploits of at least a few of the heroes on this other Earth (thereafter known as Earth-2) were known as comic characters to the inhabitants of the new Flash's Earth (thereafter known as Earth-1). Even those characters who had not undergone a retooling, such as Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman, existed on both Earths. The only difference was one of apparent age, as they shared the same secret identities, costumes, etc. Schwartz' creation of this other world allowed the creators of these comics to change the status quo, at least on this secondary Earth. The vast majority of stories would take place on the Earth that had just been established, but if, say, the creators wanted Batman to age, or Superman and Lois Lane to marry, they could do so on this alternate Earth without disrupting the storylines on the dominant Earth.

The truly amazing thing is how, because Julius Schwartz and the creators who worked with him on these comics existed in an environment of constantly looming deadlines, these innovations weren't considered with long-term feasibility in mind. This isn't a criticism of their working methods, but rather an acknowledgement that what could very well have been a throwaway concept became the groundwork for modern superhero comic continuity, a concept that has been with the genre, for good and bad, since its inception. Due to the variances of the comic industry at the time, and the supposed disposability of the comics being produced, it was assumed that any discrepencies or confusions created by the haphazard publication of these comics would be ignored or forgotten over the years. This, of course, wasn't the case at all. By placing such divergent characters and their environments together, even if only occasionally, Julius Schwartz and the creators of these comics forged a link that ran through these titles that would last until the present day. This created a reason to remember these titles long after their publication, despite even the best efforts of various administrations within the publisher itself to have this changed.

This is just one of many legacies which Julius Schwartz has left behind and which have defined comics for decades, achievements which I could never hope to properly convey in this forum. If you would like to read more on Mr. Schwartz, please check out Quarter Bin's profile, Toonopedia, this interview from Alter Ego magazine, Mark Evanier's previous articles on the man, Schwartz' memoirs or The Oddball Comics Forum thread on his passing among many other interesting anecdotes and revelations to be found throughout the internet. Today's Oddball Comics also has a tribute to Schwartz and the archive has a Strange Schwartz week or two.

It's rare to be hit by lightning even once. Rarer still to be hit multiple times. For Schwartz, his was a lifetime of daring ideas and epoch-defining triumphs. And that's a Flash Fact.

How To Throw A Groovy Party For Less Than $5 - Part 2

Lots of chicks are afraid to throw a party because they don't have a nice place to throw it in. There are two answers to this problem: have your party in a park or in the country (if you can corral somebody to do the driving), or have everybody come over in their oldest clothes to fix up the basement or attic--- and reward them with the goodies described above!

Another reason parties can cost money is if you don't have a decent record player or enough records. If you can get a friend to bring along a record player, and ask each guest to bring his two most favorite albums, you'll have groovy sounds--- for free--- until the cows come home.

We have a friend who gives what she calls "Weird Parties." They usually cost her about two dollars--- for candles and ice cubes. She asks each guest to come dressed in a weird way, bringing a weird food, a weird drink, and a weird record to match his outfit. The whole thing gets pretty weird when the guests try to figure out what food goes with what record and what costume. Everyone has a very "weird" time, and nobody wants to leave, and when they do, they beg to be invited back for the next weird party. Oh---the candles are for atmosphere and the ice cubes are to cool down the beverages, since no one ever thinks that ice cubes are weird enough to bring to a party.

Just remember that most people don't care how much or how little you spend on a party. They just want to have a good time. If you've got good food, good sounds, and good vibes you don't need another thing. So...get with it...and enjoy!


posted by Steven at 9:32 PM